Bahhh! I'm sorry this is last minute! I had my birthday, exams and overtime at work this week. It's been lovely... Anyway, here's my post.
I really enjoyed the discussion we had in class last Friday - so much that I called my mom up that evening and talked to her about it. The topic was: How do teens learn about sex?
Peer pressure, media images, education, and religious background all play an obvious role. However, research suggests that parents may have the most impact of them all. Recent studies by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy claim that 38% of teens ranked parents the highest as the greatest influence on their sexual behavior. However, how many parents actually do talk to their teens about sex?
A national survey found that mothers of children aged 11 and older rated themselves "unsatisfactory" on talking about issues such as: how to tell when youth are ready to be sexually active (38%), preventing HIV (40%), sexual orientation (47%) and how to use a condom (73%).
If parents aren't talking to their kids about sex, teens will learn about it other ways. However, when they go "other places", they risk being subjected to bad information. And with bad information, bad things can happen...
There are the risks we've talked about over and over in class - contracting an STD or becoming pregnant. But, I'm surprised that we haven't hit on teen dating violence and sexual abuse yet. Odds are if parents aren't talking about sex, they aren't talking about healthy dating either.
When teens are confused about what's appropriate dating and sexual behavior, they run the risk of being subjected to dangerous dating situations without even realizing it - possibly resulting in hazardous sexual experiences as well.
Unfortunately, I fell victim of this exact situation when I was in high school - enduring four years of an on-again, off-again abusive relationship because I wasn't aware of what's acceptable in a relationship and what's not. The constant abuse eventually led to rape - and I didn't even realize I had been raped until my sophomore year in college (thanks to my social work classes)!
Obviously, there are other factors that played into this situation, and I'm not solely blaming my parents for lack of communication about sex, however, I do wish they would have talked to me about it more...
With that being said, I thank everyone that participated in the discussion last class. I have three younger sisters (19, 15 and 13 years old). Our discussion urged me to call my mom right away and tell her to talk to my sisters about sex...NOW! It gave me the courage to finally tell her of my past experiences as well... So in all seriousness, thank you.
- clare powell
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=51164
http://www.caps.ucsf.edu/pubs/FS/parent-child.php
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Clare, thank you for sharing your story and showing some serious vulnerability. I'm so happy you realize now what behaviors in a relationship are healthy, and I hope you've moved on to better people and things that you consider good for you.
ReplyDeleteRegarding the rest of your post, I had this same enormous conversation with my mom the other day after explaining to her how frightening the gaps and variations in sexual and reproductive knowledge is between myself, my peers, and my closest friends.
I explained to her how one of my best friends, who just began taking birth control for the first time, immediately jumped into unprotected sex with her boyfriend after day two of her very first pack of pills--she didn't know how the pill worked and didn't realize the gradual physiological process that came with it--she wasn't even sure what exactly it did, because no one ever told her. No one explained any of it to her. I'm not sure that she even understood ovulation. At the same time, she never took the initiative to ask her doctor all the vital questions; one of them being "How the fuck does this work?" I assume she thought it took effect immediately. We got her some Plan B and I had a long, necessary, and probably terrifying talk with her.
This same friend's partner didn't know that pre-cum existed.
Around that same time, I made a crude comment to the effect of "If alcohol and nicotine lessened the affect of the pill, I'd be fucked." Another girlfriend of mine, completely serious, turned to me and said, "Well, it does."
WE'RE ALL ON SUCH. DIFFERENT. PAGES.
My now 11 and 9 year old brothers have been begging my dad to have "the talk" with them for YEARS. Just the language we use surrounding the topic of sex alludes to something daunting and unspeakable; it's a word we can't say, like mentioning Voldemort around a gaggle of Hogwarts students--"The talk".
Finally, after months of desperate begging on their parts, I took the initiative their parents didn't take upon themselves and explained everything to them in great, disgusting detail. They were amazed at how far off they were-- they thought sex was naked kissing and didn't know what semen was (that was a fun conversation). They were also confused as to why people have sex in movies and on television when they're unmarried or don't want a baby; I explained that it served other purposes and that it feels good. On a related note, I would bet that the majority of children who ARE aware of sex cannot detach it from marriage (heterosexual, of course). My 7 year old sister saw marriage and babies as synonymous; she knew we had different fathers, but her mind was blown when she discovered that my parents were unmarried when they had me. She viewed babies as a symptom of marriage, not sex.
Point of this babble: I'm with you. Sex is something most of us talk about, but rarely have any real knowledge on (if any at all). It's hushed and shamed, but we all are either thinking about it, doing it, or wish we were, and it's time to cut the shit and get all the facts straight so less people--men AND women-- think the pill is magic and alcohol gets you pregnant. Step 1: comprehensive sex education in schools.
If I keep this up it's going to become redundant, so just wade through the novella I've posted and think on it.
Again, Clare, I really appreciated your post this week. Thanks!
-Maddie Byrne
ALSO, a great article pertaining to this week's discussions on the roles/attitudes/accessibility of fathers.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.salon.com/news/abortion/index.html?story=/mwt/feature/2011/02/22/men_must_speak_up_on_abortion_debate
Wow i agree, thanks for your story. Sounds like it must have been really rough for you. I think it's important for more people to hear stories like that so they are more aware of what can happen in a relationship.
ReplyDeleteI think that talk on friday had an impact on everyone. I think it is amazing how you both can go to your parents and talk about it. It seems so easy for you. I do know that parents do talk to their children these days about sex and all the details, but i dont think it was really discussed in full detail when we (our age) was little. I remember back when everyone wanted to know where babies come from, but not how to have sex. Maybe thats just me and where i grew up? I never had any talks with my parents about sex. My "talk" was if a sex scene came on tv, they would say "dont do that". My parents still think i have never had a boyfriend. I cannot talk to them about that and i know that alot of other people cannot either. I learned everything i know from my friends. Which is not such a reliable source.
I think it is a really good idea to talk to children about relationships, and the good and bad. I completely agree with Clare, i think with the sex talk, relationships and abuse should be explained.
My last comment (I promise) is about the birth control. I started working in a pharmacy before i was put on bc, but I really do not think i would have known how it works without working back there. Alot of doctors dont tell their patients that they have to take it for a while for it to take affect. Not only that but it should be taken within the same hour every day. Alot of people dont know these facts and when i went to the doctor, they honestly didnt tell me. I had to ask! the doctors cant really expect you to read that tiny packet of info that comes with it.
Either way, im glad you brought up fridays class. I think it was really good for those topics to be discussed, because they rarely ever are.
-Danielle Brown
Maddie, I agree with all of your points. A lot of teens are introduced with "the talk" early on enough in their lives. Unfortunately, I was never given "the talk" with my parents. I first learned about sex in fifth grade when a health specialist came in to discuss menstrual cycles/condoms. However, this did not teach us anything about menstrual cycles and or "pre cum" or how even being on birth control while having un protected sex is not safe. To relate back to Maddie's post, my best friend is also someone who has sex with her boyfriend without a condom with birth control. She smokes, drinks, AND takes antibiotics. She always tell me how I should get on birth control, but I hit her back with the "Well, you can still get pregnant without using a condom". Both are very vaild points. I think for the most part teens start to learn most about sex through TV and the internet. I remember learning about sex the most from the magazine, "Cosmopolitan". Until this day, it is still one of my favorite magazines. Is what I think the colleges should start doing are freshman sex education programs instead of the pointless "Alcohol" classes. Let's face it, we are going to drink whether or not its bad for us. However, if health specialists were to provide an online tutorial about scary statistics, health risks, STDs, etc. it would actually benefit the majority of students. Not many people are aware of things like birth control, menstrual cycles, "pre cum", condoms, etc. WE. ARE. ALL. ON. DIFFERENT. PAGES. is correct! We all have learned from different people and at different times in our lives. I barely even remember what I learned in fifth grade, let alone fifth grade as a whole. Students need to be reinforced each year. Especially for people like me, whose parents will never give them "the talk" it will provide important information.
ReplyDeleteSee y'all tomorrow!